Summary: Following Objectives, Kathryn has trouble sleeping because of what she learned about the future that will never happen.

Disclaimer: Voyager and its characters belong to Paramount, I just add a lot more romance.

Thanks: To the Vambies who said about Objectives, "Ooo! This could fit in the 'Janeway Lives' group of stories." And to Miz, for fixing the doozy.

Rating: PG-13

“Kathryn?” Chakotay asked as he sat down next to her on the couch in the darkened mess hall. “Everything okay?”

Her eyes slowly rose to meet his. “I thought you were on duty.”

“I am, but Harry just told me you were sitting in here alone, and didn’t notice that he’d come in.”

Looking around the room, she asked, “He’s here?”

“No, he’s back on the bridge now.” He reached up to feel her forehead. “Are you feeling sick?”

“Don’t think so, but your touch certainly feels nice.”

He dropped his hand to her cup her cheek. “Then why aren’t you sleeping?”

“Couldn’t.” Her eyes blinked heavily. “Guess I’ve gotten used to you being there.”

“I’ve only been with you for three nights, and this training exercise was your idea.”

“Well, when I suggested it two days ago, I didn’t realize that I’d already become accustomed to having your arm as my pillow.”

“Come here, then.” He drew her to his side so that her head was lying on his shoulder. “Better?”

“Much. Think you could talk to your C.O. about getting nights off?”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Kissing the top of her head, he asked, “Now, tell me what’s really bothering you.”

“You don’t buy my excuse?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Kind of.” She laced their fingers together. “Because I can’t talk about it.”

“Temporal Prime Directive?”

“I suppose, although none of what I learned matters now. It’s just disturbing and I had a bad dream about it tonight.”

“And if I'm there, you don’t think you’ll have nightmares?”

“Hard to say, but I don’t want to fall back to sleep just yet.”

“Harry can run the drills for the rest of the night. It’s time that he has more command responsibility anyway, right?”

She looked up at him. “You sure?”

“Do I need to check with my C.O. first?”

Smiling, she said, “Always a good idea.”

Chakotay tapped his commbadge. “Chakotay to Janeway.”

She tapped hers while shaking her head in amusement. “Go ahead, Commander.”

“Permission to go off-duty? A friend needs my arm.”

“Granted, but I’ll need you, and that arm, first thing in the morning. Janeway out.”

He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Aren’t you going to tell Harry?” she asked as he helped her get to her feet.

“Oh, he already knows. I put him in charge when I left, said he could report to me at end of his shift in the morning.”

Kathryn playfully rapped her knuckles against his chest. “You’re something else, you know?”

As they walked out of the messhall to the turbolift, he asked, “What if you tell me very succinctly what happened in the other timelines, and I promise not to ask any questions?”

“Deck three,” she called out and then turned to face him. “That’s a promise you won’t be able to keep.”

“That bad?”

She shrugged, trying not to convey any specific message. “Let’s just say that I wished I hadn’t asked, and I wish even more that they hadn’t told me.”

The lift doors opened and they walked down the corridor and into her quarters. “If you tell me, is it really likely to affect our future?”

“No.” She covered her yawn with her fist. “But there’s no reason for both of us to be haunted by a future that will never happen.”

He took her into his arms and held her close. “Misery loves company.”

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

After hugging for a moment, he whispered, “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

“Do we have to?” Kathryn dragged her feet, but she let him lead her into the bedroom.

“I don’t recall you saying that a few nights ago.” He gave her a wink and asked, “May I take a quick shower?”

Flopping down onto the bed, she said, “It’s all yours.”

He looked at her sitting with her back against the headboard, her arms crossed, and her chin jutting out defiantly. “I imagine that you looked just like that when you were a teenager.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Thin ice, mister.”

“All right, all right.” He blew her a kiss and said, “I’ll be right back.”

Kathryn moped for a few more minutes and then sighed heavily as she accepted her fate. She knew that she was going to end up telling him eventually, but she really wanted to try to keep him from having to think about it.

She got up and changed back into the pajamas she’d been wearing earlier – an oversized cotton shirt and long, knit pants. Since she could hear the sonic showering running, she went into the bathroom and asked, “Mind if I clean my teeth?”

“Not at all. It is your bathroom.”

“I was thinking about that earlier,” she said as she picked up her sonic tooth cleaner.

He turned off the sonic shower and pulled his pajama pants on. “Thinking about what?”

“We should combine our quarters. If we redesign the space, we could create more room for storage and another desk.”

“Sounds good.” He wrapped his arms around her from behind, looking at their reflection in the mirror. “Do you have a plan or would you like me to work something up?”

“I’ve got a plan, but you can look at it before we start moving bulkheads.”

“I'm sure it will be perfect.” After giving her a quick squeeze, he cleaned his teeth, too.

Once they were lying side by side in bed, she asked, “Why do I feel awkward about tonight?”

“You feel awkward?”

“I'm not sure how to act around you. Seems ridiculous.”

He turned on his side to face her, his head propped up by his arm. “You don’t need to act any certain way.”

“I know,” she said as she studied his face, tracing the line of his jaw. “I'm just on edge about the bad dream, I guess.”

“I have a theory. Want to hear it?”

Dropping her hand, she said, “Shoot.”

“So far, every night that we’ve spent together started with us making out on the couch, and ended up with us tumbling into bed.” He leaned forward and gave her a simple kiss. “But tonight, we’re going to bed without any preamble.”

“You’re suggesting that we have sex every night?”

“No,” he said with a slight blush. “Unless you want to, of course. I'm merely suggesting that this is our first night of normal life without sex, and that you should get comfortable and be yourself without worrying about the fact that I'm here.”

“Shouldn’t we have an extended good night kiss or something?”

He smiled. “Have you lived with a man before?”

“Nope. Mark and I had intimate relations, of course, but there weren’t any normal nights of just being together. What about you?”

“No, can’t say that I’ve ever lived with a man,” he joked.

Rolling her eyes, she said, “Incorrigible.”

“Like you, I haven’t actually moved in with anyone. Just got together every now and then.”

“That’s nice, actually.” She reached up and tousled his hair. “That means that this might be the most meaningful relationship for either of us.”

“I suppose.”

“You suppose? Is that because I’ve been engaged twice?”

“You don’t have to be engaged to be in a meaningful relationship.”

“Point taken.”

“Do you want to get engaged?”

“Not just to put a label on this relationship, no.”

“Do you want to get engaged for the purposes of announcing our commitment?”

She tapped his chest with her index finger. “I want to get engaged when you ask me to marry you. Call me old-fashioned, but I think there should be some romance to a proposal and a period of courtship beforehand.”

He kissed her fingertip and said, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Yawning again, she asked, “So, what about this sleeping business? Think I can avoid it?”

“Come here,” he whispered as he took her into his arms and gave her a soft, lingering kiss. “I’ll be right here.”

“Mmmm,” she hummed happily. “Maybe we could have sex. That would keep us awake.”

“It’s after two. We both need sleep.”

She was quiet for a minute and then asked, “Wake me if I get agitated?”

“At the first sign.”

“I don’t usually react this way, but…”

“Shhhhhhhhh,” he said as he rubbed her back. “I love you, Kathryn.”

She snuggled in and let his strength surround her, thinking about how silly she was being over a nightmare. The only reason she was allowing herself to be consoled was because she’d invited the man into her personal life, not to mention her heart, and because that nightmare was the worst she could ever remember experiencing.




Chakotay woke suddenly, but he wasn’t sure why until he realized that he was cold. He reached for Kathryn only to find that she wasn’t there. Sitting up, he called out, “Kathryn?”

When no answer came, he got out of bed and saw that the bathroom door was closed. Knocking lightly, he asked, “Kathryn? Are you okay?”

He heard her tell the computer to open the door just before it slid away, startling him with the sudden light. “Kathryn?”

“Decrease bathroom lighting by fifty percent.” She was sitting on the edge of the tub, wrapped in her bathrobe and looking completely forlorn. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

He came over and brushed his fingers through her hair. “Wasn’t I supposed to wake you? Nightmare?”

“Yeah.” She straightened her back and wrapped her arms around herself. “I don’t quite know how to handle this.”

Chakotay looked around at the towel on the floor, the damp washcloth laying beside her on the tub, and the full glass of water sitting on the counter. “Did you get sick?”

She nodded, looking sad and despondent. “I guess that didn’t wake you or you would’ve been in here ten minutes ago.”

“I got cold.” He kneeled in front of her, held her hands, and studied her eyes. “My advice as the man who everyone seems to bring their problems to is that you should…”

“…find someone to take my problems to?” she finished his sentence.

“It would be a good idea. Whatever this is, you shouldn’t have to go through it alone.”

“Think the Relativity would come back if I caused a temporal incursion?”

“Probably. Why?”

“So I could talk to one of them. Maybe they have a counselor onboard who can deal with people who are disturbed about timelines that no longer exist.”

“Talk to me,” he encouraged her. “And don’t worry about upsetting me because seeing you this unhappy is upsetting me already.”

Cupping his cheek, she said, “You’re sweet to offer, but trust me when I say that this is a much better alternative than sharing my nightmares.”

“Kathryn, we can keep having this discussion all night, or you can tell me what happened.”

She blinked slowly and sighed. “That was blunt.”

“Sorry, it’s almost four in the morning.”

“I'm sorry.” Kathryn withdrew her hands and made a move to get up. “Let’s go back to bed.”

“I'm not moving until you tell me what happened.”

She closed her eyes and covered her mouth, looking like she was about to be sick again.

“Do you need the toilet?”

Shaking her head, she managed to say, “Nothing left.”

“Just say it quick. Get the shocking part out and we’ll go from there.”

Her eyes found his for just a second before they closed again. Dropping her hand, she capitulated. “Timeline two – I was assimilated as the next Borg Queen with the intent of destroying either the Federation or the Borg.”

His mouth dropped open. “What?”

Gaining strength, she kept going. “This nightmare is assimilation, but nothing like what I experienced last year.”

“The next queen?”

She looked at the ceiling. “I don’t know the specifics, just that there was some kind of a plan that I infiltrate the Borg and destroy them. I was supposed to be rescued, but I wasn’t.”

“My God.” He covered his mouth with his hand. Shaking his head, he continued, “Why in the hell would they tell you that?”

“They were trying to convince me to make the changes that they wanted me to make, that staying out here is the best life all of us could have, so long as I saved your life and twenty-something others from this crew.”

“Did you have a choice in the matter?”

“No, but my other two selves wanted me to be happy out here, wanted me to live my life to the fullest despite my circumstances, because it’s not like the other two lives worked out. I died by assimilation in both timelines. Can you imagine?”

“Both?”

“The oldest Janeway infected herself with Icheb’s nanovirus and got herself assimilated so she could kill the queen.” She folded her hands together in front of her face. “I need you to promise me something, Chakotay.”

“What’s that?”

“If I ever get the stupid idea to infiltrate the Borg for any reason whatsoever, lock me in the brig.”

“Like Unimatrix Zero?”

“Precisely like Unimatrix Zero. I do not want to die by assimilation. If that should happen, I want you to pull the trigger, Chakotay. Blow up whatever Borg ship I'm on and put me out of my misery.”

“Oh, Kathryn.” He looked away, unable to stomach her request.

She took hold of his face and forced him to look her in the eye. “I need you to promise me.”

With a sigh, he yielded. “If I see no way to save you, yes, I’ll put you out of your misery.”

“Thank you.” She tapped his chest again. “But if I get that far, it’s only because you didn’t lock me up.”

“Oh great, so if you get assimilated and I have to kill you, I'm going to not only deal with the pain of your loss, but I have to live with the guilt that I let it happen?”

“It won’t matter because we’re not going to let it happen.”

Rubbing his face, he said, “Of course, it’s not like I wouldn’t feel guilty no matter how I lost you.”

“Still want to know about my nightmare?”

“Yes,” he said with a sigh. “But is this assimilation dream different than the ones you’ve had before?”

Pulling them both to her feet, Kathryn stood in front of the mirror and looked at her reflection. “The Borg Queen has no body. She is a head, shoulders, and spinal column that the Borg attach to a body when needed. Otherwise, she is connected directly into her sphere.”

Chakotay looked like he was going to be sick.

“The nightmares are the Borg cutting off my body.” She turned to face him and put her hands on his shoulders. “That’s why I need you to destroy me if I get assimilated. Not only do I not want to have to experience that, I wouldn’t have a body to rescue.”

He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on his breathing. “If we ever see any traces of Borg activity, we’ll be running the other way.”

“And we need to be diligent about creating a defense. Both of my other selves mentioned transphasic torpedoes and a retractable armor that protected Voyager.”

“Okay,” Chakotay said with a shaky voice. “Let’s find a way to introduce it to the senior staff without letting them know where we got the idea.”

“Thank you.” She rose up on her toes and kissed him. “I know this adds to your burdens. That’s the last thing I wanted.”

“We’re a couple now, Kathryn. All of our burdens are shared.”

Touching his face, she commented, “Feels like we’ve been sharing burdens since the day we met.”

“Yes, it does. Because that’s when I fell in love with you. Remember the angry warrior legend?”

A huge smile spread across her face. “Yes, but tell me again. Do you remember it?”

“I remember the gist of it.”

“Tell me,” she encouraged.

He took her hand and led her into the bedroom, turning the bathroom light off along the way. “There’s a story, an ancient legend among my people, about an angry warrior who lived his life in conflict with the rest of his tribe.”

“A contrary,” she added as they crawled into bed.

“Yes, a contrary, as my father described me.” Drawing her into his arms, he said, “This man couldn’t find peace, no matter what he tried. As a youth, he left his home to seek happiness among the stars. As a man, he found himself discontent and lonely, although he found some satisfaction when he was in battle, trying to right certain wrongs.”

“This sounds a little different.”

“It has been how many years since I told you?”

“Five.”

“Do you remember things word for word that you said five years ago?”

“Go on,” she encouraged.

“So, he found honor in battle and became a hero among his tribe, but the warrior continued to search for peace within himself with the help of his spirit guide. One day he and his people were captured by a neighboring tribe led by a woman warrior.” Chakotay looked down at her, his heart filling with love.

“Tell me about her. What she pretty?”

“She was beautiful.” He traced one of her eyebrows as he described, “Her eyes were deep blue when she felt passion, dark gray when she was angry, and as blue as Earth’s sky when she was happy.”

“They change colors that much?”

“Yes, they do. The angry warrior was in love with her. Did you know that?”

“I had a hunch.”

“She called on him to join her because her tribe was too small and weak to defend itself from all its enemies. The woman warrior was brave, beautiful, and very wise.”

“She sounds too good to be true.”

He shook his head. “She was a gift of the spirits, and so the angry warrior swore to himself that he would stay by her side, doing whatever he could to make her burdens lighter. From that point on, her needs would come first. And in that way, the warrior began to know the true meaning of peace… and love.”

“Thank you. That story seems very fitting tonight.”

“Yes, it does.” Chakotay cupped her jaw and gave her a warm kiss. “Sleep now, my beautiful warrior. I’ll be right here.”




There will likely be more stories in this series when the muse inspires. After all, they're still in the Delta Quadrant. Who knows what kind of adventure lies just around the next nebula?





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